I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
