I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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