I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
