Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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