Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
