my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
