If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
