Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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