that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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