I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
