pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I want to fling myself into the sun
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
