the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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