He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
