Where did you get a picture of my penis
My brain says no but my pants say off.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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