That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
