____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
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