Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
