Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
