Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
