The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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