cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize