1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
