I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
