I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
this is an emotional support booty call
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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