dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
