I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
