'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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