It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
