Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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