Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
