You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
