I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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