Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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