I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
