I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
