We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
