i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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