Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
