He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
