Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
