I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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