sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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