I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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