A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
