You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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