im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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