i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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