Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
