He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
