I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I love you. Go after that dick
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
