You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
