mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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