Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
