Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
