I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
