I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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