Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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