Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
