What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm having to shit out rocks
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
