Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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