I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
