i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
