could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
All the doctor said was why
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
