It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
