I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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