There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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