i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
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