i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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