I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
