Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
