I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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