omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
